I am, maybe for the first time, not sorry for not posting any food for thought these days and past weeks. All I am right now is a woman/kid/mum seeking for balance while eating shitloads of baguettes somewhere in the South of France. I went out of energy to be honest. I even got ill which absolutely did not fit into the super-power-narrative I found for myself over the years. So it took a while to accept I am neither a robot nor immortal. But here I am, slowly finding my way back and being overhelmed by my first two-week vacation since the birth of @thisisjanewayne in 2010. I can't believe I never did that. I can't believe there were days I even felt sublime and cool and tough and mega worthy only through always being busy and productive. I can't believe for how long I muted most of my needs. I mean I love and need my work, I really do. But there. is. so. much. more. I can't believe how much time I've wasted. I even knew it! So most of all I can't believe it needed a serious melt down at the beginning of the year to realize: This is not how it should be! Time for a change. Thank god (whatever this might be) for therapy, I'd like to admit. My privilege of being able to start one kind of saved my ass I guess. It made me realize and feel it all and grow. It helped and helps. To become the most me I've ever been (which isn't necessarily the best, stop self-optimizing I want to scream). My support system, my hero-friends and family, mean the world to me. More than everything (I love you). But they couldn't have done it all. I am highly aware of how lucky I am to finally find myself in the process of learning how to set real boundaries and how to manage my energy. To calm down (to relax and not even bringing my laptop!) To find back to everyday-life (how much I missed it!). And to care less about other peoples expectations. I know it's not over (I am writing this while lying in a dark tent while the sun is shining because sometimes existing still is too exhausting). But today I feel like I ate so much shit, I am ready for the best life now. Don't ever take me as a role model again. I fucked it up, too ( Outift for the woods gifted by #editedofficial)

I am, maybe for the first time, not sorry for not posting any food for thought these days and past weeks. All I am right now is a woman/kid/mum seeking for balance while eating shitloads of baguettes somewhere in the South of France. I went out of energy to be honest. I even got ill which absolutely did not fit into the super-power-narrative I found for myself over the years. So it took a while to accept I am neither a robot nor immortal. But here I am, slowly finding my way back and being overhelmed by my first two-week vacation since the birth of @thisisjanewayne in 2010. I can’t believe I never did that. I can’t believe there were days I even felt sublime and cool and tough and mega worthy only through always being busy and productive. I can’t believe for how long I muted most of my needs. I mean I love and need my work, I really do. But there. is. so. much. more. I can’t believe how much time I’ve wasted. I even knew it! So most of all I can’t believe it needed a serious melt down at the beginning of the year to realize: This is not how it should be! Time for a change. Thank god (whatever this might be) for therapy, I’d like to admit. My privilege of being able to start one kind of saved my ass I guess. It made me realize and feel it all and grow. It helped and helps. To become the most me I’ve ever been (which isn’t necessarily the best, stop self-optimizing I want to scream). My support system, my hero-friends and family, mean the world to me. More than everything (I love you). But they couldn’t have done it all. I am highly aware of how lucky I am to finally find myself in the process of learning how to set real boundaries and how to manage my energy. To calm down (to relax and not even bringing my laptop!) To find back to everyday-life (how much I missed it!). And to care less about other peoples expectations. I know it’s not over (I am writing this while lying in a dark tent while the sun is shining because sometimes existing still is too exhausting). But today I feel like I ate so much shit, I am ready for the best life now. Don’t ever take me as a role model again. I fucked it up, too ( Outift for the woods gifted by #editedofficial)

@nikejane

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